Release

Over a year and a half ago when I stood within the center of a sacred circle of women and declared that I would create this site I had no idea what I was asking myself to do, I didn't realize how hard it would be to move into this place and open to my ability to speak from my vagina. But somehow, by some grace of spirit I managed to complete the task. I found my true voice, I felt my cervix and my throat open and close in unison. And the day after my throat was sore for days, excruciatingly so. And the congestion came and has been here for weeks.


This is the poison.
These are the lies.


That I seek medicine for in these times.


I am really not sure where to begin, or how to write. But I will sit here and open the best that I can.


What I see is rape. What I feel is the devastation of that rape. Genocide of humanity. What I hear is children crying. The earth wailing. The machines of man droning out the cries of spirit. Me having to move deeper, work harder to continue to hear, to be connected to the living energies and web of life. This is life in the city.


What I know is that I went face to face against a demon that is older than time. I looked evil in the eye, and survived. Somehow. What I realized in this near death venture of spirit is that fear, hate and anger fuel this monster. So somehow I must become the ultimate alchemist and take that hate and anger I feel at the devastation of the land, of the raping and mutilating of child, woman and man and turn it into a force that will awaken and fuel the deepest love within me. Because that light within me that light within us all, is the only thing that will banish this darkness once and for all. Also, I must become the ultimate warrior and banish fear from my heart. I look at all the ways I was taught to fear ...and I can be gentle here with myself, so I have been picking up the feather and burning the sage and the cedar and cleansing the fear from my heart, asking my ancestors for their prayers of protection. And their guidance ...because this world needs the voices of our elders. These voices that have been silenced by men with ego's the size of Texas and holes in their souls the size of the Atlantic. Who use bombs and guns to extort life and exert illusionary power, all in effort to hide the tremendous insecurity, powerlessness and helplessness they feel deep within them. I have no respect for guns. I shot one once. I could never put my feet in the shoes I wore that day again. The vibration they held made me sick. Guns are not power. Guns are for the weak man to believe he has power. Power is in your ability to love. Your ability to nurture, heal and give love. Love is your best protection and defense. I'm seeing this broken stream, so to speak as I write ...where one may see love as weak, but I tell you that love is strong. When the threads of life are broken, it is love that mends. It is love that heals.


I know that my life is equal to the salmon in the stream, the cardinal in the tree, the spider on the web and the bee that teaches about sacred harmony as it sips life's succulent nectar from the neighboring flower that grows from the ground. Opening only to offer her beauty and give her life for the continuation of the life cycle, to last a few day ...to close and die to become food for the next flower in the form of her seed. This is life. In this way we are all equal. In this way flower, feather, rock, tree, bee, bird, panther are friends.


What I know is that I do not have much energy left to debate this. This is the destruction of life. It is the only issue that sits on my table and it is not up for debate. It is here and we must form solution. Too tired to argue, I am. You cannot see? I pray that you awaken to harmony, that you remember the lost ways that are ancient and carved deep into your living genetic memory.


What I speak has been blasphemy for ages ...that spirit lives its life within me. That there are male and female faces of that Spirit that emanates within all things. When the man and the woman live in harmony on the earth once again, life will come into balance. We have lost our sacred ways as a people. We have lost our dignity, our pride and our honour.


Rectify. How to do this? I wish I had these answers ...I have no desire to "save humanity" what I do desire is to save my own soul from the fires of persecution that mark our history. I understand that I can only become a living example, so I do the best I can. I weave the sacred teachings of my ancestors into my life and live them the best I can.


I receive a lot of criticism. I am blessed to have received this, for it has pushed me to the edge. And I sit here now sitting on the rock that I have become for myself staring into the vast spaciousness of life. And I am finding peace. If I can reclaim this, so can you.


So I will take the message I received a few months back:


Walk.


And so I will.


Right now my feet are being called to the fire, so I will go once again. This time, as I walk across the hot embers of my soul, I pray to find the clarity I seek. So that I can become the full embodiment of my living prayer.


 I will share a story,
About 2 years ago I stood in a sweat lodge ceremony on a bright summer day, no cloud in the sky. A strong wind blew through our circle carrying the words "Rain is coming" ...I hear the wind, this is nothing new ...I have been speaking to trees since I was a child. I shared this with the group, I spoke the words aloud. They looked at the sky, then back at me as if I were crazy and asked how do you know? I said the wind told me. Again, I was met with looks of disbelief, my words were disregarded. Until a half hour later the dark clouds rolled in and a pretty steady rain began to fall. No one spoke. I knew. I didn't say anything. I didn't need to be right. But what I was concerned about was here are people, people supposedly older and wiser than I, people that I have come to love, respect and admire and be thankful for in so many ways that have been living these traditions for many years but had never heard the wind speak? And then doubt the woman who does.


I do not remember where I heard these words, but they have stayed with me. They were the words of an African man. Actually, as I sit here I cannot recall his words, only my interpretation of them: The dance, the song and harmony of life is within the woman, when the women are closed in fear all life suffers. When women are choked in their expression, when their words are not respected or even listened to you know a great crime has been committed, a travesty has occurred. We are living in the reverberations of that crime. We are living today, as products of that travesty. When women live in a world where rape exists, we know it is not safe to be a woman. To even walk the street. How then, are we supposed to be open and allow these sacred songs of creation that we hold deep within us to emerge?


Solution: Women come together and create sacred space to heal and nurture. I am involved in a circle of many women who are doing this work. I do this work. We call it "Red Tents" and "Moonlodge" Many of the women I know that are doing this work create these spaces for one day in their homes and invite the women, what I have come to understand is that this work and this healing is vital to the restoration of the land and to the soul of humanity. So I am petitioning that somehow women are able to find the resources to have permanent moonlodge or women's temples within every community. Worldwide. This requires a global network of women to get on the same page. I do not know how this is going to happen, but I know that it will. And it will take time. So I sit in my dreaming and I weave these prayers and I can only sit and hope that I will see the day it manifests on this earth.


This also means women reclaiming their sacred power on earth. This requires courage to go within the deep spaces and feel and heal and bleed out the old stories so the new ones can come through.


There is no more denying the crimes against women, the crimes against the earth, these are crimes against all of humanity.


It is late and I need rest, but there is so much more to write.


I will leave you with this:


I invited rape to my table. I wanted to know why it existed. It came. It said it was here to teach women their power. Then I move into the place where I was told by a woman who has become a great teacher and guide for me: That when women are in their power, rape cannot exist because she would have the strength within her yoni to rip the cock off any man who tried. This is true. But we must reclaim that strength. We must honour that power. That is ours and use it wisely. We have the power to end rape. The rape of our bodies as women and the rape of the earth. And one day I am going to have the strength to sit here and open and write in a very cohesive manner that will be very easy for both man and woman to understand the way we, as women are intrinsically linked to the planet. That the body of the earth IS the body of woman.


As a woman who has reclaimed this understanding in her life, who has taken the time to weave her energies back into the planetary field and let her consciousness rest there, I will say this:


When you poison the waters of this earth, you poison my body. When you cut down the trees you are taking away my ability to breathe. When you dig holes and dump toxic waste and let this garbage sit within the earth, I feel it as if it is within me.


And it hurts. I will tell you that I have suffered. I will tell you that I have worked with many women over the past few years ...and the amount of pain the women are in is ridiculous. It is a crime. And these crimes must be punished.


The law that has been broken is natural law, it is sacred law ...these laws of man, mean nothing in that realm.